Look, being an aunt myself, I know that it’s tough work. People say being a mom is tough work, but being an aunt or uncle is even harder. You have to pretend to like kids that aren’t even yours!
The way you act during your childhood can tell you a lot about what kind of aunt or uncle you’re going to be. I’m sorry if this is painful to hear, but 90% of children will turn into the “crazy uncle” or the “moody aunt.” If you don’t believe me, well, you will after you read this article. I’ve scouted a few youngins and I can tell you exactly what kind of aunt or uncle they’ll be. Yes, it takes one to know one.
The Conspiracy Theory Uncle
This four-year-old has conspiracy theorist written all over him. He might not know it now, but he’s going to be the uncle that “educates” his nieces and nephews about the “truth.”
There’s room in every family for someone who believes that the government is putting lead in the drinking water to mess with the frog’s sleeping patterns.
They Have No Shame
Aunty Mae and Uncle Pat are a couple of weirdos that have no shame in public. They’re the “free spirits” of the family and have no radar that tells them what is normal and what isn’t.
These kids are going to grow into the type of aunt and uncle who will show up to their niece’s high school graduation wearing matching onesies with butt flaps.
It Has To Be Said
Look, whether we want to believe it or not, someone’s aunt has to be a murderer. This little girl is on track to AT LEAST being the aunt who buys goldfish just to make a new friend.
Studies show that 1/100 of us have an aunt who we think is hiding bodies in her basement. I have no evidence of this study, but I’m sure it exists.
The Dedicated Aunt
She’s going to be the aunt that we all know and love. She has all the right intentions, but has no awareness when it comes to how it affects other people. She’ll pick up her nephew from school for a “surprise lunch” without telling his parents she’s doing it.
Although it was well-intentioned, the AMBER Alert that the parents sent out because they had no idea where their son was probably wasn’t worth it.
The Wildcard Uncle
Most of us have uncle’s and aunt’s that are very predictable. You know exactly what they’re going to wear, you know the questions they are going to ask, and you know exactly how to avoid them at all costs.
This kid is going to grow up to be the opposite. He’s Uncle Ted who shows up in a Mustang to Thanksgiving, and then a 1999 Chrysler Neon with rusty doors to Christmas because he lost all of his money playing the ponies.
Your Favorite Aunt
As much as we don’t want to believe it, we have a favorite aunt. She’s the one who understands what makes a kid happy. She’s the one who has a solution to the statement “I’m really hungry” when she’s brought you to the mall.
This little girl is well on her way to being a family-favorite with the young ones.
The Intellectually Deprived Aunt
We don’t want to believe it, but it’s the reality. There are many aunts out there that have an IQ that matches their age. Aunt Stacy will bring a peanut butter-based cake knowing that half of her family is allergic but will just tell them to “pick it off.”
This little girl is in the fast lane to becoming Aunt Stacy and we’re all for it.
The Uncle That Pops Up Everywhere
If you don’t think that this little kid is going to turn into your crazy uncle that never seems to leave you alone, you’re wrong. Uncle Timothy. The more you say it, the more you realize how true it is.
The crazy uncle is nothing to be ashamed of. Timothy can look on the bright side and realize that he’s never expected to show up to family gatherings, nevermind actually contribute anything to them.
The Overdone Aunt
They’re a dying breed, but the “overdone” aunt is still clinging to relevance. She’s the aunt that looks like she’s going to a red carpet event even if she’s just going to the grocery store.
She disagrees that she spends too much money on makeup, and says that having a good contour is “art.”
The Prankster Uncle
If you don’t have an uncle who pulls pranks on you and always takes them too far, do you really even have an uncle? It’s Uncle Todd, the one who has too much time on his hands as a 34-year-old bachelor, so he watches prank videos on YouTube all day.
He’s the one who makes you look at the bottom of a water bottle full of Gatorade and then splashes it in your face.
The “Black Sheep” Aunt
If your family is religious, you know this aunt all too well. She’s the one who has never accepted the idea of going to church. She’s the one that has made fun of priests since she could even speak.
This little girl is well on her way to being the aunt that says “I love your dress, is it Gucci?” to the priest every time she is forced to go to church with her family on Christmas.
The Passive Aggressive Uncle
Oh boy. What is a family gathering without a little passive aggressive energy getting thrown around? Uncle Sam has no problem commenting on his older brother Hank’s weight gain.
He’s the uncle who makes comments like “save enough food for Hank, he’s going to at least want seconds.” Uncle Sam has no boundaries.
The Aunt That Underestimates Everything
Auntie Grace. What would we do without you? This girl is going to turn into Auntie Grace seamlessly. Cleaning up the poo with a towel is no big deal, right?
Grace will stay at your place for two weeks to “get back on her feet” and leave you $20 as a thank you gift.
The “Duh” Uncle
He’s the uncle who over-simplifies everything and doesn’t just think he’s right all the time — he KNOWS he’s right. He makes general statements that are half-true and dares you to call him out on it.
He doesn’t necessarily say the word “duh” but his body language and constant eye-rolls tell you everything you need to know.
The Quick Fix Uncle
“Everything is easy to fix,” says Uncle Steve. He’s the guy who thinks that EVERYTHING can be fixed with a little duct tape and creativity.
He’s the uncle you’ll NEVER call for any handy work. He’s the king of having band-aid solutions for systemic problems. Someone needs to stop this three-year-old before it gets too bad.
The Tomboy Aunt
She’s the one who played all the sports and has never owned a dress in her life. When she gets married she’s going to be wearing a tailored suit and not a dress because “she’s always got along with guys better.”
As a kid, you know that she wore a hot dog costume to a princess themed party.
The Potentially Possessed Aunt
She’s the aunt that makes you feel very uncomfortable at all times. You don’t believe in “energies” but whatever she’s giving off is just not comfortable to be around.
She’s an insomniac and lets her entire family know it. She’s even seen “a ghost or two” crawling around her two bedroom apartment.
The Uncle That, Uh, Gets Around
He’s the player of the family. He’s never been able to tie down a longterm girlfriend because “there’s too many fish in the sea,” sometimes literally.
He goes out almost every weekend with a different group of friends who are 15 years younger than he is. Anyone who has a girlfriend or wife has “sold their soul,” and doesn’t know how to have fun.
The Bully Uncle And Aunt Combo
If your mom or dad has an older brother, this is probably what their living room looked like. The younger siblings have to be incredibly tough both mentally and physically.
The older brother and sister can be cruel. They end up softening out as time goes on, but they still won’t let their younger sibling “win” in anything.
The “All Out” Aunt
This is the aunt that goes harder on Halloween than any kid on her block. She’s the one who spends all of October crafting the perfect costume.
The day of October 31st is spent in the makeup chair. Her goal? To win the office Halloween costume contest and then follow that up with genuinely scaring every little kid that comes knocking on her door.
The “Hitting Him Where It Hurts” Uncle
This little guy is going to be the uncle who has no boundaries with his humor. He’s the one who will try to get a laugh no matter who gets hurt. If his mother needs to be reminded about her thinning hair, he’ll do it.
He sits at the dinner table and doesn’t take his serial killer smile off his face.
The Adventurous Uncle
This is the uncle who will not allow ANYTHING to get in the way of what he wants to do. If he wants to snorkel and the only water around him is the fountain, he’s there.
He’s the opposite of the “all talk” uncle who has a lot of ambitions and follows through on none of them.
The Organized Aunt
She’s the aunt who has a list for everything. Her entire house is spotless, and she has 17 different day planners. Her grocery list starts the second she walks out of a grocery store.
She has everyone’s birthday written down (from her family to her co-worker’s hamster) and plastered on the fridge because she loves birthday card shopping at Hallmark.
The Uncle Who Does As Little As Possible
He’s the uncle you only see when he’s forced to go somewhere. He’ll go to Thanksgiving if it’s at his mom’s house, but if it’s 15 minutes further at his sibling’s, he’s out.
He does the bare minimum to stay in the family dynamic, and just enough to tell his girlfriend he’s a “family man” on the first date.
The Unathletic Aunt
You either have it or you don’t. This little girl looks like she’s going to be on record pace to becoming the unathletic aunt who tries to catch a basketball like she’s swatting a fly away.
She’s the one who answers the question, “did you play any sports as a kid?” with, “let’s just say I tried and that’s all that matters.”
The “Extra” Uncle
He’s always been “different,” or at least that’s what your grandparents say. He’s the one who wants attention, but will never say it.
He wears the shiny clothing and big flashy rings that draws everyone’s eyes. He claims to be subtle, but deep down he just wants to be Freddie Mercury.
The Scary Uncle
If you didn’t have the uncle that would prank you, you probably had the uncle that would scare you. He was the one who would hide behind the door for twenty minutes just to jump out and give you a mini heart-attack.
The happiest he would be is seeing your viscerally terrified facial expression.
The Uncle Who Doesn’t Know What A Digital Footprint Is
He’s the uncle who will post almost anything on his social media. If he posts something racist and you get offended, he’ll laugh and say you’re a snowflake.
He has no problem having a picture of himself giving the finger to the camera as his profile picture. Again, if you’re offended, you’re “what’s wrong with political correctness.”
Uncle Ron, Put Down The Knife
This is crazy uncle Ron when he was a kid. It’s the same uncle Ron that you never leave your kids alone with because the smallest things make him angry.
This is on-brand for uncle Ron, who, to this day, threatens his neighbors with a kitchen knife if he sees their dog take a doo-doo on his front yard.
The Aunt That Hates Kids
Some aunts just seem to hate kids, even if they’re related to them. This little girl is going to become the aunt who you never want to leave your kids with because they’ll be returned to you in tears.
She thinks all kids are sent into her life to specifically irritate her. She is the one who tries to live in a retirement home at age 34.