My freshman year of college I was really hung over one morning and I was back at my parents house for the rest of the weekend.
I was wearing loose fitting athletic shorts with no underwear, and kind of rocking back and forth in front of the TV to feel that satisfying slap (any dude knows what I’m talking about). Well I went to fart but instead a stream of diarrhea squirted out just at the right moment and completely missed my shorts but got all over the carpet.
I went to the bathroom to grab some TP, and by the time I got back to the living room my dad was on his hands and knees cleaning it up and yelling at my dog. I’ve never had the heart to tell him it was my accident.
In gr.10 my dad made a deal with me. If I got an average of 88% he’d buy me a new laptop. Well the marks came in and I only got something like an 84-85% average. Well screw that, I want my laptop. So I went online to the regional school board’s website and downloaded a pdf template of the report card (I dont know why they would have this available). Used a pdf editor to fill in the blanks and voila, got a brand new laptop!
P.S. After I did this, I started selling customized fake report cards for $50 each.
I once took a week-long trip to London. My mother asked me to get her a small rock from there, because neither of us have ever been out of the country. So, I spend the whole trip looking for this rock, and finally find the perfect one. Fantastic, she’ll love it when I get back.
So I get home, I’m taking inventory of all of my souvenirs, and the rock is gone. I immediately think back to where I last saw it, it was on the bedside table in the hotel in london. Darn. So I quickly run outside and find a decent rock. I clean it off (we live in Georgia, freaking red clay is noticeable) and wrap it nicely.
I eventually gave it to her with the story “I got it from a castle”. It’d break her heart to know that I got it from our backyard :0