Social Media Couples That Literally No One Wants To Be Like

Thanks to social media, watching your friend begin a relationship is akin to watching one of the many zombie shows you can find on TV. Things start off normal and couple-y and they end as a nausea-inducing version of themselves that teeters really close to being unfollowed.

Many couples have a clouded lovesick euphoria that impairs their thinking about what’s right and what’s wrong “couple’s behavior” on social media. This list has overcast skies written all over it because these couples obviously have some clouded impairment that led them to post these cringe-worthy pictures.

A girlfriend decorated an entire wardrobe for her boyfriend before he went on vacation to make sure everyone knew he was taken. It’s really embarrassing, and it’s also coming up soon.

Aye-nnoying

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What’s interesting about couple shirts like this is that they’re easily found at thrift shops, often times barely used. Why’s that? Because to get matching shirts like these already implies you’re a little bit nuts and the relationship probably has an expiration date of about two months. This is not Aye ok.

Put The Pieces Together

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There are a couple of things drastically embarrassing about this picture. A) it’s already a mistake to get a couple’s tattoo and b) at least make it so they would fit together. No matter how you angle those tats there’s no way that they fit together, which is a great foreshadowing for the rest of their relationship.

This Couple Has Game

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If Randy Jackson was judging this picture, he would say “Yeah, it’s a no for me dawg”. You have to feel for the person who took this picture because you know they ignored him the entire time. Even more embarrassing would be if they set up a camera on self-timer to get this shot. Either way, it’s nauseating.

Coming up is a guy who decided the best way to show his love was to write a note in his own blood. Yep, you don’t want to miss it.

Bi-Lingual

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Couples who overuse emojis are fair game to serious ridicule. Emojis are just supposed to be extensions of the person texting, and by overusing them it takes away from their main purpose. Also, taking time out of your day to learn Dinosaur is super outdated by about three million years.

So, Uh, Romantic?

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Nothing says “I love you” like a gas station sign. If you really loved the person, you would’ve changed the price of gas to something more affordable. Also, the blatant spelling mistake doesn’t help with the overall tone of the message. One can only imagine that she said yes, because well, how could you not?

Blood Brothers

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This guy literally wrote a note to his girlfriend in his own blood. My guess is that there are a million other ways to show your love and dedication to someone before it’s necessary to slice yourself open and canvas the spillage. A nice gift card to the local mall, flowers, or even the same message but written in Sharpie would do the trick.

If you’ve never seen what a “break-up photoshoot” looks like, you’re not going to want to miss what’s just ahead.

“How Much To Get A Tattoo Removed?”

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How many horror stories do we have to be exposed to that involve couples getting the same tattoos after dating for approximately 14 minutes? This couple beat the 14-minute barrier and waited a full three months before getting a cheesy quote about love tatted on their arms. If anyone is wondering how they love, they love whilst flexing their biceps.

Get Checked Out

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That couple that always tries to kiss through objects in an attempt to be cute needs to be exposed. First of all, this is just gross on a bacterial level because putting your lips on a park window is one way to inevitably end up in a hospital bed. Secondly, the aesthetic of this isn’t romantic in the slightest. In fact, it’s probably one of the more cringy pictures on the internet.

The Break-Up Shoot

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You’ve heard of engagement photo shoots, wedding photo shoots, or an “I’m newly single so make me look hot while I sit in this oversized tree” photo shoots, but have you heard of a breakup photo shoot? This is so confusing, and hard to comprehend in general, but it could be low-key genius. Sometimes it’s uncertain when a couple breaks up, which leaves “how’s *insert bf/gf’s name* doing?” questions after you broke up, which makes everything significantly more awkward. I assure you that didn’t happen to this couple.

What’s the most cringe-worthy nickname you’ve heard a couple call each other? Multiply that cringe-ness by 10 and you have the name that’s coming up.

That’s One Way To Ensure Loyalty

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Wearing these shirts around the cruise ship is literally the worse case scenario. Having a torrential downpour of rain on you the entire trip or even having motion sickness for the week is STILL better than having to wear these shirts around. By the look of it, this relationship has NO trust issues AT ALL. Zero. Zilch. Notta.

Product Is Not As Advertised

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Let’s talk about advertising for a second, and more specifically how almost NOTHING is as seen in pictures. For example, if you’ve ever eaten a Spongebob Squarepants popsicle you know that even though it advertises that it looks like the yellow sponge, in real life it looks like a blob with no recognizable facial features. It’s because of popsicles like those that people have severe trust issues.

Puppy Cat

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Giving your boyfriend or girlfriend a nickname is completely normal, but please make it something that doesn’t automatically trigger an observer’s gag reflex. Calling your partner “puppy” is bad enough, but then following up with “Christy Kitten Puppy Cat” is just straight vomit inducing. That’s not even clever, nor does it make ANY sense. A definite head-scratcher.

The idea of “couple goals” has become way overdone and borderline unrealistic. You’ll see what I’m talking about just ahead.

The Decision Flight

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This picture and caption combo is very confusing and makes us ask a lot of questions. Did she expect to not love him after the 15-hour flight? Was this a test of their relationship strength? Look, anyone who’s been through rough turbulence knows that your first thought is “how do I survive this?” followed by “Is there a way I can maneuver my partner so they take most of the impact?” She’s admitting she had those thoughts, but is obviously still in love.

Heart Eyes Emojii

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Abel is looking at Bella the same way most of us look at the price tag of a coat we can’t afford— we just pretend it’s not there. He’s looking at her the same way we would look at our parents in seventh grade when they would tell embarrassing stories to your friends while out in public.

Get You A Spiderman

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Couple pictures like these circulate the internet with a strong consensus of captions that range from “couple goals” to “find you someone who can do this”. This is not couple goals in any way, shape or form. If I’m the guy, I’m constantly worried I’m going to drop her on her head and do some serious spinal cord damage. If I’m the girl, I’m worried about passing out after all the blood in my body rushes to my head.

A couple just ahead attempted to make tampons really cute. Did they succeed? Find out soon.

Stop The PDA

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There is absolutely no good reason to post a picture like this. First of all, family members and friends don’t want to have to watch you basically lick someone’s face or get your face licked on social media. There’s nothing wrong a kissing picture, but one that’s this provocative is definitely not necessary.

Face Palm

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Okay, we all can easily assume what happened when he “went out with the boys”, but those are some serious wounds. It looks like he got attacked by a grizzly bear who mauled him, then passed him off to Dracula as the finishing move. This girl shouldn’t let her boyfriend go out with the guys anymore just strictly for safety reasons.

Okay, NO

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Why? Why? Why? Why!? Perhaps the biggest issue with this picture is that he didn’t take the extra 10 seconds it would’ve taken to get one more tampon to make the “u” actually look like a “u”. It looks like a “v” right now and for whatever reason, it’s severely distracting to the rest of the picture and the, uh, romantic gesture.

How cringe is your relationship if you have to get your toddler to take the picture? That’s coming up.

Two Hours Too Long

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Couples who have to be with each other at ALL times are destined for failure. Couples who go to Facebook to plea for help after not talking for two hours probably won’t make it past midnight. The sass in the girlfriend’s response is a tell-tale sign that the relationship is already doomed.

Lip Locked

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Lip tattoos get a bad rap because they are fairly new to the body art scene and people need some time to let them sautee in the public opinion realm. The idea to get a couple’s lip tat is stupid, but it’s not as obnoxious as getting one on your body where it’s more visible. At least you can only see these if they show you, and they aren’t as unpalatable as many others.

So Many Questions

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This toddler is going to make the best “Instagram boyfriend” of all time. He’s already willing to put himself in risky positions to get the right angle. He knew he had to stand up to take this shot because he needed to be at eye level to ensure that there was no double chin potential. He’s insanely aware while still in diapers. Incredible.

Just head is probably the most awkward couple portrait that you’ll ever see, no props necessary.

Mom? Dad?

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Some parents don’t know where the line is when sharing posts and pictures. Often times it seems like they forget that Facebook can be seen by everybody, even your own children. The social media ignorance sometimes leads to moments like this when pictures are incredibly inappropriate.

Passed Around The Family

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Can we talk about how revolutionary the N64 was, and how much better it is then the video game systems we have today? Mario Kart still remains one of the most entertaining games of all time and it was popularized on the N64. It was also the first game for it to be socially acceptable to throw your controller through the TV screen.

Did He Lose A Dare?

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This guy just finished three days in a row crushing chest and abs at the gym and he demanded a photoshoot. While his girlfriend wanted a classy “everyday” look, he wanted tarps off with no apologies. Good for him, the definition is certainly coming in and the confidence that he must possess is insurmountable.

What are you willing to do to get free dessert? Well, this couple just ahead went to embarrassing lengths.

Creative Pumpkin Breakup

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Can we talk about the real issue that’s raised here which is how common it is to put band-aid solutions on systemic problems? For example, when you go to Mcdonalds and ask for an Oreo McFlurry but their machine is broken so they give you a vanilla cone. No. That shouldn’t be acceptable but it is. The vanilla cone satisfies you for one minute before you realize how much you miss Oreos. McFlurry machines being broken is an epidemic.

Okay, This Is Just Funny

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This picture has nothing really to do with the theme of this article but it’s still funny nonetheless. Face swaps have taken over the Snapchat game so it’s hard to blame the Washington Capitals for assuming such. There is something really off with this picture but it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is. I’m going with the eyes.

Mild Respect

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This is a lot of work for a free dessert but they deserve some serious credit for their dedication. Also, it seems worth the effort because desserts are NOT cheap when you go out to eat. Unless you want one tiny scoop of vanilla ice cream you can bank on paying $14 at least for a cheesecake. Don’t even get me started on the double fudge cake prices because they basically require you taking out another mortgage.

Getting one tattoo of your significant other’s name is enough, but wait until you see the tattoo disaster just ahead.

Couples That Burn Together Stay Together

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I am in so much pain just looking at this picture. No one is allowed to even brush by me after seeing this. This couple can say bye to any sleep for the next three days. That better turn into a tan that would last the entire year for that pain to be worth it. There isn’t enough aloe vera in the world to treat these lobsters.

Leashed Up

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The more that he says he trusts you, the less he actually trusts you. So this “Hot Stud Muffin” is going borderline insane at home waiting for that 9:30, 9:31, 9:32, 9:33 text. This is hands-down one of the most desperate pleas you could ever send to someone that you’re in a relationship with. There’s nothing else to say about this.

BRENDA

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There are no words to describe this level of unhealthy commitment to someone. Brenda better be the next coming of Christ if you’re going to be getting her name all over your back. Brenda better have breakfast in bed ready every morning, or willing to spend every Sunday sitting on the couch watching the NFL.

There are cringe-worthy couple colleges, and then there’s the one that’s coming up. Ew.

Separation Anxiety

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This could be the worst one of them all. Well, not quite but it’s up there. If reading this doesn’t immediately make you want to do horrible things then you’re a lot better person than me. If this was my friends it would be a fireable offense. This dialogue is friendship ruining. If you ever type the word “pooping” on social media there’s something wrong.

Makeshift Locket

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Why would you put this on social media? Why? Why? Why? Love the effort, I guess? The problem with this jewelry is that the picture looks like what the little kid in Scary Movie 3 drew every day at school. If you don’t get that reference you’re probably not alone, but just look at that picture of the girl, and that’s what it is. You no longer have to watch the movie. You’re welcome.

Couple Collages Though

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Collages on social media were a thing in 2012, but have since, thank god, been kicked to the curb. If you’re still doing couples collages on Facebook it’s probably time to delete yourself. The best part of this collage is the bottom right picture that looks like the result of opening your camera and not realizing it’s facing you and not outward.

Is there anything worse than witnessing couples who basically have to breathe for each other to survive? This next picture might have something to say about that.

Song Bird

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Some people really do not belong online singing. Cover videos are great, but when you sound like a dying cat on the high notes and whatever a hippopotamus sounds like during the low notes, it’s not pretty. Unfortunately, usually, all it takes is one person to say that a person is a good singer for them to all of the sudden be scrounging around for a record deal Justin Bieber style.

If You’re Pregnant, I’m Pregnant

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Women sometimes complain that men just don’t understand what it’s like to be pregnant and carry a baby around. So, this guy took things into his own hands by eating frozen pizzas and lasagna until his stomach matched hers. This is a great deal for him because it’s a win-win. He’s very happy to be eating anything he wants buffet-style and she has someone to relate to.

Any Excuse To Come Over

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This is first boyfriend/girlfriend syndrome when you always feel the need to be around each other and need any reason to be together. Her boyfriend presumably left his lint at her place and she needed some help cleaning it up. Lint actually does suck especially if you’re wearing a black shirt and you have white lint. People can’t tell if you have really bad hygiene or really bad laundry habits. Hard to tell what’s worse.

There should be an IQ test you need to pass before you are allowed to make a Facebook status. This woman coming up certainly wouldn’t pass it.

Doesn’t Always Work Out As Planned

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Sometimes when social media couples try to be cute it beautifully backfires. A lot of people live and die by traditions like catching the bouquet at a wedding. If you catch the bouquet it usually means that you’re going to be the next one to get married. There needs to be some hard evidence and data supporting that because my guess is that it’s lower than 1% success rate.

Ensuring No Female Will EVER Talk To Him

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So this is a live look in at what “stage five clingers” give their significant others. Let’s all hope that this shirt was the straw that broke the camels back with this relationship. This is one of the biggest red flags and it’s not even subtle. The next stage is murdering you and surgically putting your skin on hers. Be careful.

My Husband Is Less Than Your Husband

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Did she mean what she put or was she just ignorant of the sign? It could be that she actually really thinks your husband is better than hers. She could be hinting some relationship ruining material but is playing it off as ignorance. Everyone needs to hide their husbands when this lady is around because she’s clearly unsatisfied.

This Is Too Much, Again

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There is absolutely no reason for this. This picture ruins perfectly good Vans.No one would be yelling, “Damn Daniel back at it again with the pink and yellow striped Vans with your girlfriend’s picture on it.” In fairness, these shoes are better than the shirt that we saw previously because they’re somewhat more subtle.