Flexing your assets on social media has become the millennial version of bragging. It’s basically a non-verbal way of saying look what I have without it actually coming out of your mouth. There are a few effective ways to flex with subtly. If you take a picture in front of a car but your caption doesn’t mention the car, it’s perceived that you want the attention to be on you and not the nice car behind you, even though that’s exactly what you want. Confused? Just keep reading to see what I mean.
Watch What You Say
With basically every young person having a phone that tells time (among other things), there seems to be a dying demand for watches. People no longer want to have to read time on a clock anymore when they can get it in their pocket. Watches are becoming strictly a fashion product and not a practical one like they used to be.
Caught In The Act
If you were to look up the definition of a failed flex on social media, this is what would pop up. Saying you have a new Porsche but then holding up the keys to your 2001 Volks-Wagon Jetta. The truth is in the keys. This girl could’ve got away with this if she even knew that there are different brands of cars out there.
Should’ve Cleared The Area First
Before you try and start some drama on social media, make sure that you’ve covered all your bases. If you’re going to put this sign on top of the water fountain, like, at least take a look around the hallways ONCE. This is public humiliation at it’s finest and it was very preventable.
That Thing Could Cut Diamonds
Jawlines have become something that both genders look for in their partner. A strong jawline is very attractive, but too strong of a jawline and you start looking like a cartoon character. This one could literally cut a hole into the densest object in the world in one shot. I guess we can’t really blame her for flexing that?
Shadows Don’t Lie
Another part of a woman’s body that garners some serious attention is her rear end. It seems that girls are willing to do anything to get a well-shaped bottom. Some spend hours in the gym doing squats and other butt exercises and THAT’S IT. Some go full desperation mode and resort to, uh, photoshop enhancement for the quick fix. Not obvious at all.
Social Media Order Bride
And this person was never seen in public again because of the humiliation they faced after this. An interesting tool that a lot of people are unaware of is the “Search Google For Image” option if you right click on a picture. That can bring you to the original picture. It’s great for catching catfish on the internet. I don’t recommend using it for actual catfishing.
Flexing His Dedication
Okay, Pink Hat Guy we get it, you’re the best husband in the world. Wearing a pink hat so that your wife knows exactly where you are and when you go get popcorn etc. Here’s a thought though, what if he had sudden stomach issues and has to spend a lot of time in the public washroom? Not only are you accused of cheating because you’re not in your seat, but you also have STOMACH ISSUES.
We Get It, Bro
This guy is flexing the fact that his Macbook supports Windows. We get it, man, you like puns. In all seriousness though, is this not the richest way to have your computer sitting around. This is like when Kanye West walks out of his car BARELY holding onto his brand new MacBook Air.
No Gown Is Getting In The Way
When you buy a Gucci belt, the thought process after does not involve hiding it. If you think that a graduation gown is going to stop that mindset, you’re wrong. That thing basically cost an entire house to buy so I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t get it its own seat. Looking fresh to death, man.
New Hot Wheels
Social media, like I said, is all about flexing the whip. You don’t even have to have it but as long as people think you have it then mission accomplished. If people think you’re driving a fresh Range Rover you’re prospects increase tenfold. You go from a nobody to having to set appointments to fit in all your friends.
I Swear That’s My Grandmother
This is just below posting a picture of Anne Frank and saying that it’s actually your aunt Franny who was so brave during the war. Look, I completely understand trying to flex your heritage, but at least get a picture from someone who isn’t in one of the most popular movies of the past few years.
“I Only Date Guys With Beards”
There’s a certain attraction to guys with beards that is unexplainable. Whether girls think it’s a sign of masculinity or manliness or whatever, they’ve become very desirable. This guy took to the Beardify app to give himself some facial hair and it completely backfired when he got called out publically.
We Get It, You Have An Extra Table
We get it, you have a perfectly circular pregnant tummy and you’re able to do a lot of things the rest of us can’t do. She doesn’t need a table because she has her own personal one. She also gets away with eating whatever she wants, which is something we’re all a bit jealous of.
DA Police Have Arrived
I’m not sure which one of these guys is flexing more here. Either this cop is very excited that no one ‘warned a brotha’ or if the other dude is just happy to be with a good police officer. Either way, this picture is absolutely legendary and deserves to be celebrated as much as it already has.
Where Were These Teachers When I Was In School?
Why did I never get these cool teachers? The only thing my teacher said was, “the bell does not dismiss you, I dismiss you.” Then they would proceed to keep our class 20 minutes past the bell to finish a lesson on different types of rocks. This is some dedication to a comedy bit that we can really get behind.
I will never understand how people could have foot fetishes. What is so good about feet? NOTHING. No one ever compliments you on your feet and if they do you need to leave immediately because they’re probably a murderer or something.These literally look like alien feet. E.T. called, it wants its toes back.
Compliments The Color Well
Girls take pride in their nails like they are actual people. They show them off on social media like they just gave birth to them. Nails are something many guys just gloss over and never really notice so girls really have to put them out there for some recognition. This girl decided a perfect compliment to her new nails was a piece of ham and we couldn’t be more confused about it.
This Is Just Ironic
Oh Charley, this is so ironic that it actually hurts me. There are two things that could’ve happened here: either she’s so dumb that she actually thought she scored 125 but clearly didn’t, or she was trying to boost her IQ and pull a fast one on everyone. I’m thinking it was number one.
You May Be Lovin’ It But Your Toe Sure Ain’t
Girls are willing to do anything to look good in an outfit. If we can talk quickly about heels in general, in what world did it make sense for women to wear STILTS and walk around in them? Yeah, you know what? Your feet might bleed if you’re walking on stilts that are compressing your feet AND dancing while you’re doing it.
This is what happens when you combine basic ignorance about geography and the world and combine it with flexing on social media. No, that is not the British flag, it’s the Confederate flag, so yes, you just wasted $25. Perhaps more importantly, she probably just offended about half of the people who viewed that post.