Whether we like it or not, sex is a huge part of a relationship. That’s just how it is.
1. “The truth: my husband is not very good at sex and shows no interest in improving in a way that will be enjoyable for both of us.
We had very different experience levels when we got together. I’d only had two partners, but one of the relationships was very long term. He’d had twice that number, but all of the relationships were very short term. So I knew what I enjoyed. He, it seemed, did not.
No problem. I could teach. I thought it would be OK for him to learn what he liked and what I liked and we’d mesh.
The sad truth? He doesn’t seem to like any of the things I like. Or maybe he doesn’t like sex. Or maybe he doesn’t like sex with me. Hell, I don’t know. And I don’t care anymore.
Because he won’t do the basic stuff. I’m not talking about reciprocal oral sex (though there is that; I love giving and receiving, but guess which is the only one to happen?). As far as I can tell, the only purpose of foreplay, to him, is to arouse himself. If I get going too, great, otherwise, oh well.
Needless to say, nothing even mildly kinky happens. There has been one thing I introduced that he did more than once, and he took it to such an extreme it was no longer enjoyable for me.
And in spite of all of this, I am the one expected to initiate. By which I mean, when I finally couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore, sex stopped. Completely. We have had sex twice in more than a year, and even before that it was once every few months when I broke down and got something going in hopes that maybe a long break would make him at least pretend to care like he did early in our relationship.
For the record, I absolutely have tried the ‘talk it out’ bit. But you need two people to talk something out, and he will. not. talk. I mean, when I broach the subject of sex, zero words come out of his mouth.”
2. “I’ve had ED for about 3 years now, I’m 37, she’s 31. So I try to avoid having sex as much as I can until she starts to argue and fight about it. I know I need to change my habits…diabetes, eating bad, and no exercise, but it’s really hard to stay focused.”
3. “My wife and I haven’t had sex since we conceived our child. It will be six years later on this year.
At first, we wanted to make sure we’d know the date of conception. It’s silly, but it made sense for us. Once the pregnancy was confirmed, I’m not sure why we didn’t have sex again.
Once our kid was born, we let her body recover. Then we just stopped. We’ve had bad luck with condoms breaking in the past and had more than one pregnancy scare when we weren’t ready AND she was on the pill. I guess we’re potent together or the universe is telling us to have more kids.
As the years have gone on, the risk of having additional children has kept us at bay. With our past experience with condoms, we don’t go down that path and being on the pill really messes with her body. She got nasty migraines the last time she was on it. Whatever I need to do to make sure that’s accommodated for is what I’ll do. I don’t want her to go through that and if that means sex becomes a backburnered thing, then so be it.
We still do everything but sex, but it’s hard with a kid running around. It simply doesn’t happen often at all. It’s even been a few months now, but I love my wife and she loves me. We know the spark is there, we just have other priorities as a couple that are more important. I’ve had enough sex in my life that it’s far less of a big deal than it could be.